Why Big Shoes?

Because each day God requires us to walk in obedience, no matter how hard or long the journey. We need to walk in those shoes with boldness, confidence and courage. Everyone needs spiritual "Big Shoes" that will take them to new levels of spiritual impartation and revelation. I've learned, the hardest thing is we need the strength to put them on each day. And that takes faith. Who wants to walk in "Big Shoes" when you have been hurt or betrayed? Who has the courage to walk in "Big Shoes" when fear has your spirit gripped so tight you refuse to trust God to take you through your darkest days? The amazing thing is when you put on those "Big Shoes", the struggle doesn't seem so hard. God and His Holy Spirit carries you through the toughest journeys - even when you think you are walking alone. As you walk, the heaviness of the struggle doesn't seem to weigh you down as much. You force yourself to take one step at a time, pressing, pushing your way through every obstacle that rises up against you.
There is no need to try to do it all yourself when God is there to lead you to still waters and those luscious green pastures. No, walking in Big Shoes, simply means you have the courage to shout out to God, "I can't do this without you". Before you know it, you are at the place He wants you to be, encouraged, empowered, enabled to move forward in faith, confidence and trust.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Oh That He Would Hide Me

Waiting in the patient's waiting room, I had a case of deja vu. While my mom tried to digest 1000cc of contrast which was faintly disguised as Crystal Light Lemonade, I listened to the sounds around me. As I sat there, I heard a small child in distress, crying hysterically and I just sat there and my eyes burned with tears. I wanted to run and comfort this child who I did not know. This child, was probably afraid, because x-ray rooms can be dark and scary. Yet, I was remembering my own fears as I has waited with Britt years ago. But I wasn't here with her. I was here with my Mom, trying to be a comfort, a place of safety.

But while we waited, I was remembering being in another small room at Duke University Hospital and listening to all the tired sick children cry as they waited for a CT scan. The flashbacks came and danced before my mind and I longed to look across the room and see Britt waiting for her turn. Instead, I remembered where I was and why I was here. I remembered my mother and her cancerous polyp and I thought about the possible results.

Oh that He would hide me in the secret place...
In the 21 months since she has been gone, I've journeyed to new places in faith so the remembering doesn't keep my stomach in knots anymore. Now I worry about Mom losing her balance; Mom being taken care of by tired hospital staff and fretting about Mom being able to withstand the rigors of possible treatment.
Oh that He would hide me in the secret place...
But as I sat there, I simply exhaled and I smile at my Mom. We engage in casual conversation and I want her to know that she is safe. Still she wants to make sure that I am warm and okay. She is always the Mom. But as I confront my own discomfort and the place where I find myself, I simply remember I've done this before. God was with me then and God is with me now. I thought to myself as she glanced at an old National Geographic magazine, when we leave this place, we are going to take the long way home so she can enjoy the trees, the birds and all the different people she sees on the street.
The technician came to get her and off the two of them went. I prayed as they left the room. I sat and read the latest book that I had in my purse. I looked at her contrast and cup and noticed that she had drunk it all. Not a whimper, nor a complaint. She always just did what she had to do. I buried myself in the book and I looked up and there was my Mom and the nice CT technician. She's all through, he said as he brought her walker in front of me. "She's finished?", I asked in astonishment. Well, she wasn't back there 15 minutes. When Britt had a CT she was back there for 45 minutes to an hour sometimes two. I gathered her things, we journeyed to the front of the hospital and I got her in the car.
What this a good thing or a bad thing? But instead of fretting about it, I decided to pray. We journeyed home and Mom and I talked about the change of the season and the beautiful color of the fall leaves. She loves that kind of thing. She talked about trees that I had never heard of and the onset of the fall season. (I tell you, the woman should have been a botanist.) That conversation carried us all the way home where Mom got settled in her routine and I talked to my husband. This time I didn't call my cousin in NY. I decided to wait until we heard something.
Although I walked this walk before, I was going to trust God to bring Mommy out. No matter how many times I reflected on Britt's journey with cancer, I also knew that Mom was not Britt. Britt was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic cancer at the age of twelve. Mom had a cancerous polyp and she was 86 years old. Not the same scenario.
While we waited on the results in the days that followed, I began to pray for Mom's health more and more. Thanking God for his hedge of protection around her, I rested and worked on church work. God is so faithful and as I allowed him to hide me, I could wait in peace. In the secret place, God will hide me from the fear, the anxiety and the pain of waiting, knowing that no matter what the technician saw on the scan God would be with my Mom all the way. I'm learning to trust Him more and more even when I don't know how things are going to end up.
Oh that He would hide me in the secret place...
As I walk this uncertain journey, let me admonish you to trust Him even when you don't know how things are going to end up. Exhale and let the pressure escape and learn to rest in Him. He is the only person that can solve your issue and concern. Learn to turn things over to Him and just go along for the ride. But while you are riding along with the cares of this world, don't forget to look out the window and enjoy the scenery. Take on the beauty of God and all that He has created and rest in that. God will allow you to enjoy some things even when you are on one of your harrowing journeys. So hide in His creation and His love for you. Hide in the fact that He is there with you.
It doesn't get any better than that.
Blessings,
Melodie
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