On a recent doctor's visit, my mom's platelet count was found to be extremely high. Of course, when Britt was sick, I monitored her counts on a daily basis. I knew a high (or low) count was nothing to fool around with. I immediately became concerned. My Mom has always been the calm, stoic one who never allowed anything ruffle her feathers. So when her doctor suggested a colonoscopy, she didn't flinch.
I sat there in shock but quicky got myself together. After several more doctors and visits to their offices, the day of the colonoscopy had arrived. I was assured by the nurses that she would be back from the procedure in 30-45 minutes. Reading old magazines, listening to CNN didn't calm my nerves. It wasn't that I hadn't sat in a treatment waiting room a thousand times before, nor was I not use to procedures taking longer that stated. But as I sat there those 45 minutes became three hours. My poor mommy!
Finally I was ushered back to an exhausted doctor, who had laid out a collection of pictures for me to see. His concern was just with one. There staring back at us was an ugly polyp, who refused to come out completely. "I couldn't get it all. You see where I stained it? That is where we are going to have to go back. She's been back there for almost three hours. " He suggested another colonoscopy in four to six weeks. I met my mother back in the pre-treatment room and there she sat, with not a worry or concern. We packed up and traveled home after a quick stop at Starbucks. Of course, the enemy began to speak to me and I immediately began to pray and confess the Word of God over my mother's health. As I drove, I glanced over as my mother nodded off and on. I prayed as she slept that God would give me the strength to support her and keep her encouraged.
We waited for a few days and around 5:30, we got the dreaded phone call. My mom's doctor, trying to sound as supportive as he could, let us know that the polyp that he removed was cancerous. My heart dropped to the floor and it seemed like by breath had stopped. I glanced over at my mom as she sat in the family room folding laundry. How was I going to tell her? Knowing how she worried, I knew that this news would keep her up at night. Lord Jesus, how do I tell her? When do I tell her? I ran up to the guest room and prayed. Then I sat there and remembered Britt's struggle, her battles with chemo and her willingness to fight. She got it from somewhere and I knew that her strength came from my mother. Some admire me because of my own strength, but like Britt, I stand as resilently as I can because of what my mother gave to me. So I must assume, she would be strong enough to handle whatever news I gave her. But I didn't want her to to worry that day or the immediate days to come so I didn't tell her. I called my cousin (a doctor in NY) and I shared all the details. She counseled me and agreed with me that a few day wouldn't matter.
Instead, I prayed more and trusted God. And I loved my mother with things she loved to do, like getting her hair done and going to Shomars and buying her favorite fish sandwich. As I allowed the days to pass, I would watch my mother and would just become full. Brittany and now my mother...God help me! But instead of crying and getting depressed, I committed my mornings to a more intimate time in prayer for my mother, my family, our ministry and God's plan for our life. I had to lay all of those issues at the feet of Jesus. There I would lay my burden down of worry and concern and trust God to take care of everything. With that realization and acceptance, I decided to let God handle it. For he promised that He would never leave me nor forsake me. And as the days passed by, I knew that He would handle everything. With that acknowledgement, I exhaled.
Why Big Shoes?
Because each day God requires us to walk in obedience, no matter how hard or long the journey. We need to walk in those shoes with boldness, confidence and courage. Everyone needs spiritual "Big Shoes" that will take them to new levels of spiritual impartation and revelation. I've learned, the hardest thing is we need the strength to put them on each day. And that takes faith. Who wants to walk in "Big Shoes" when you have been hurt or betrayed? Who has the courage to walk in "Big Shoes" when fear has your spirit gripped so tight you refuse to trust God to take you through your darkest days? The amazing thing is when you put on those "Big Shoes", the struggle doesn't seem so hard. God and His Holy Spirit carries you through the toughest journeys - even when you think you are walking alone. As you walk, the heaviness of the struggle doesn't seem to weigh you down as much. You force yourself to take one step at a time, pressing, pushing your way through every obstacle that rises up against you.
There is no need to try to do it all yourself when God is there to lead you to still waters and those luscious green pastures. No, walking in Big Shoes, simply means you have the courage to shout out to God, "I can't do this without you". Before you know it, you are at the place He wants you to be, encouraged, empowered, enabled to move forward in faith, confidence and trust.
There is no need to try to do it all yourself when God is there to lead you to still waters and those luscious green pastures. No, walking in Big Shoes, simply means you have the courage to shout out to God, "I can't do this without you". Before you know it, you are at the place He wants you to be, encouraged, empowered, enabled to move forward in faith, confidence and trust.
