It Was All For His Glory

Yesterday was an emotional day for me. All through the day, my emotions swung back and forth, like a steady pendulum on a classic grandfather's clock. From one extreme to another, I was filled with tears of joy, tears of sorrow and sadness and thankfully back to tears of great joy and gratefulness. Three gut wrenching episodes that I don't think I can share with you. Well, at least not today. That would be like asking for trouble. If I cried anymore, I would be drowning in the proverbial "river of tears". But one story touched my heart so much, well, I would be a fool not to share the beauty of it.

Most of you know, we lost our beloved Britt at seventeen, almost three years ago. (I sit amazed that so much time has past...and the Lord has allowed me to keep my sanity. God is so good!) When I found out that she had secondary leukemia after struggling with neuroblastoma, I was devastated. But when you are in the battle against cancer, you can't give up. You continue to press on ahead, searching for every little victory.

As a result, we had to abandon her treatment at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NY and start the transplant process all over again at Duke University Hospital. Before we departed for Duke, our immediate family was tested to see if we were a match. Sadly, none of us were. God had other plans.

Our church family led many bone marrow drives throughout the community with the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP). Because of their love for Brittany and their love for us, they too, gave blood to see if they were a match. All were entered in the Bone Marrow Registry along with all the other volunteers who gave their blood, their time and their prayers.

I didn't think much of it when a church member said they were contacted by the Registry the latter part of last year. Most families who encounter cancer know, that even if you get "a hit" from the registry so many things can go wrong. So although you are hopeful and prayerful, you know that the excitement may not last long.

So I put it out of my mind and completely forgot about it. Until yesterday.

Yesterday, the spouse of that church member called and we were talking about the rest of our summer plans, family and the onset of a new school year. Then on the turn of a dime, she begin to share how her husband was preparing to go through the transplant process for a young man that they did not know. What?

As she shared all the medical procedures he had endured, I found myself filling in medical details that she didn't know and was amazed how it all came back to me. But the shock of it didn't hit me until she began to share a recent incident.

As she spoke, she told how her husband had gone through all preliminary testing. They had made several trips to the hospital where the young man was waiting for the necessary transplant. Nurses were coming to the house to take blood and to continue his necessary workup on several occasions. He had begun his series of Filgrastim (G-CSF), a medication that helps you build up your white blood cells) and was now preparing for the actual harvest of not only stems cells BUT bone marrow too. He was such of a great candidate that he had received another hit on the registry as well.

He is doing WHAT? Preparing to give bone marrow and stem cells?!

I was in a state of shock! They had been going through all this and I didn't have a clue. How could I have forgotten that he had been contacted by the NMDP registry?

Because he was such of an enigma, the nurse at the hospital sat down with them and asked him about his history. She wanted to know who was this young man who had two hits on the bone marrow registry and just how did he get on it? It was at that point that the couple began to share Brittany's story and the nurse asked, "well, how is she doing?" They shared of Britt's passing and said the inquisitive nurse just cried.

Well, although the dear wife of this man continued talking, it was then that I just lost it!!!

I sobbed in the phone and told her that I had to go. Softly, breaking through my muffled sobs, she quietly said, "we love you, Rev. Mel."

After I hug up the phone, the shock of what was just shared begin to answer some of the questions that every mother of a dead child has locked away in her spirit. "Why?"

We often ask God why when bad things happen to us. We often question His plan, His purpose for our lives. But I often thought about Britt's death being in vain. Why did she have to go through what she did? As a mother, no matter who shared a testimony about how she touched their lives, I still didn't find peace when it came to why God allowed her to die.

But as I listen to this story, I realize that the Lord was gently telling me that her life had more impact than I could ever imagine. Because of her illness, a young family will be blessed to have options.

Here is a young man, touched by Britt's sickness and her struggle, who selflessly gave of himself to help save another. ( The story sounds familiar....doesn't it?) Now we have a twenty year old man who will probably beat the enemy of cancer, because this man decided to sacrifice his time to be a blessing and to give the gift of life.

Well, I tell you, I just sobbed as the Holy Spirit ministered to me. For a moment the spirit of illumination came over me and allowed me to see just how precious my baby girl's life was as was her fight with cancer. It was all for a purpose. More importantly, it was all for His (Christ's)glory.

My tears flowed as I reconciled the fact that Britt went through all that she did because it had a purpose. Someone (that we don't even know) will have an abundant, prosperous life because a friend said yes to bone marrow donation. Britt's struggle opened up a door that would touch the heart of a man. He allowed himself to be tested and God, in His infinite wisdom, allowed him to be a near perfect match.

He is a near perfect match! How awesome is that?! What an awesome gift from God. Just imagine how the young patient's family must be feeling. On next week, this young man will get the blessing of a lifetime. I know that this family's heart is filled with unspeakable joy and gratitude.

And so is mine. So I can't clost this blog without making the appeal. Be a donor! Contact the National Marrow Donor Program TODAY and get tested. You could save a life and give a blessing of a lifetime.
For more information contact NMDP at www.marrow.org.

The Need to Reconnect

Yesterday I spoke with an old friend. Hearing her over the phone, brought me to such a place of remembrance. I reflected back to when we were in high school and how we were literally glued at the hip. My days were brightened by her contagious laugh, (and even yesterday I couldn't help but bend over with tears streaming down my face...she just cracks me up...) and things are no different now.

I missed her. Her friendship, her humor, her ability to make me feel better when an old boyfriend broke my heart or I was feeling bad about a poor test grade. When we were in high school, she was a bright spot in what I thought was a pretty mediocre existence.

As we talked yesterday, I realized that I would never allow this much time to pass again. We were both married now with kids. We talked about our adventures with our families. We promise to spend a day together in the very near future. "Just call me and I will be there", she said in the phone as we ended our conversation.

This is one date that I won't miss.

In times past, I would hear a comment like that and not see its value. The reunion date would come and go, buried under a pile of to do lists, "important" appointments and a day filled with "other things".

But I promise, I'm going to keep this appointment because old friends like her are NOT a dime a dozen. She is someone that I can sit down with and it will be just like "yesterday". Two girlfriends, laughing, joking and talking about our lives and seeing who is going to laugh the hardest. It's probably going to be me because she just cracks me up.

Friendship like this is what I call, "a safe place". A safe place to be yourself, share your secrets and even cry if you have to. And because she is the woman that I know she is, it wouldn't shock me if she began to cry with me.

Old friends like her are hard to come by. If you have one, treasure her (or him).
I didn't realize how important it was for me to reconnect with someone (that I haven't seen in years) that I truly missed until I heard her laughter on yesterday.

It is true...laughter does make the best medicine. Just listening to her, helped me put a lot of stuff in perspective. Loved ones die. Some things don't get done. Sad days come and go but things do get better. After talking to her yesterday, I felt a whole lot better.

Reach out and reconnect with someone you haven't seen or heard from...in years.
Laugh with them as you reminisce and I guarantee, your day will be better after doing so.
Blessings,
Melodie

Moving Forward

It is amazing when God pushes you in the back and tells you to move on. He has been pushing really hard in my life recently. As I face a new day, I see my to-do list and immediately I am overwhelmed because I am a master procrastinator. I view everything that needs to get done in my life and I often want to put my head under a blanket and hide. But God said...not so.


I recently shared with some dear friends, that I haven't even grieved my father's passing. We won't even mention that Britt continues to drop in my spirit and the memories continue to flood my heart and my mind. I have two book proposals that need tweaking; I have a few church ministries to oversee; a summer schedule that I need to coordinate with my boys and some day trips that I need to muster up for me and my Mom. Did I forget to mention that my bedroom needs cleaning and my office is a disaster? We will just add them to the list...


But God reminded me that I have to move forward. Stop dwelling on the to-do list that never quite gets done. I need to wake up each morning with a plan and execute it with the tenacity and courage. By doing so, it will push me toward my daily goals as I force those areas of doubt and being overburdened to be placed under my feet.


Moving forward takes that strength to let some things go. If I need to I'll hire some folk to help. I'll do those things that only I can do...like spend some precious moments with my 87 year old Mom.


Moving forward will force me to choose those things that are doable and drop those things that waste my time. (I do have a sixteen year old and a ten year old that can help with the bedroom clean up. There is no need to stress over that...)


God, in His awesomeness, will help me if I let him. He will direct me to those paths that He wants me to travel. He will equip me with whatever I need when I get to where he wants me to go.


Moving forward means leaving some things (and some people) behind even when you see them as a crutch that you have leaned on for awhile. Let those things (and/or people) go and move forward with faith.


Scripture states that I need to press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. That alone seems overwhelming. But that is exactly what I am going to do. Moving forward, placing one foot in front of the other, standing in faith and covered in prayer.


But first, I need to clean up my office...

Just A Few Simple Words...

My Dad died three weeks ago. It was the strangest thing. I took him to the hospital, only because I was concerned about his not eating. He had lost interest in food and it was a struggle to get him to eat like he should. But each day, we would coax him to eat a little of this and a little of that. I was so concerned that I took him to the doctor.

"We have to get you to eat, Mr. Powell", the doctor shouted since Dad refused to wear his hearing aids. So in the hospital he went, only to be told that he was fine, just old. He charmed the nurses with his wit and his songs. He sang for everyone who was willing to listen.

Dad came home and began to sleep - all day and all night. I know that it was a sign. But a sign that I REFUSED to accept.

Then Dad started to wet through his clothes. Another sign...but I pretended that it was just another accident.

Then Dad decided that he not only wanted to sleep all the time but now he refused to walk.

Another sign, but my thought was, the man is 91 and if he is tired - he is tired.

But when he didn't get up from his nap and I had to spoon feed him his dinner well, I just thought he was recouperating from the UTI that they found while we were in the hospital.

But God had other plans. My Dad was dying...

Unlike the days and months before, my Dad laid down, went to sleep and woke up in glory.

The strangest thing was, grief didn't overwhelm me this time. I miss him, yes, but my Dad had a full life of baseball, women, friendship, laughter and song. And at age 70, he accepted the Lord as his personal Savior. What more could you have asked for?

So there was acceptance on my part. My Dad was gone after a life that was later filled with a intense love for the Word of God, gospel music and family.

BUT all I could remember were just a few simple words that he graced my life with over my 47 years.

Words like, "I love you", "you're just the sweetest thing" "you're so sweet" and "don't worry about me cause when I leave here, I'm going to be with the Lord". These words he said to me at least once a day for as long as I can remember.

These precious words will keep me as I try to take care of my greiving mother. A woman who loved in spite of betrayal and heartbreak. A woman who stood by her man's side, when she should have divorced him. A woman who is the classic example of a love that is never ending, patient and kind.

Since he passed she wears his watch. When she's not wearing it, she is holding it close. A keepsake, a gentle reminder of a love that stood the test of time of 58 years.

When I will think of him in the days to come, other words will spring to mind. Words like baseball, robin, wallet and hat. These four words came to be such a part of my Dad's daily existence; well, without them, he wouldn't be Dad.

So as we closed the coffin that clear Friday in May, I placed his wallet and his hat in with him. His coffin was adorned with a red breasted robin that was embroidered on the casket's sheath. The robin will always be his moniker, like the song he sung faithfully in the church. It is commonly known as "The Robin Song". And will always be remembered as my Dad's song from hundreds of people that heard him perform it.

These a just a few simple words that will sustain me as I face each day without my Dad. In spite of everything, he loved me. In spite of everything else, he cherished me. For that, I will always be grateful.

Another four words spring to my mind as I close out this post:

I Love You, Daddy.

Ulus Powell May 29, 1917 - May 16, 2009

Any Old Excuse Will Do...

I haven't written since October and I have many excuses. Mom's cancer diagnosis and ongoing recovery, the 2nd anniversary of Britt's death, church work, conferences, the loss of a special friend in our lives, travel and holiday furor are all good reasons to be too busy to write. But none are good enough to bear the weight of me not writing.

I have missed sitting here sharing my heart. I love the process of birthing the words, the sentence structures, the thoughts and incessant ramblings that are always in my head. I guess that is the creative part of me, that is always pushing, always forcing itself to be heard, if only in my imagination.

When I finally take the time to write, I find time to embrace my thoughts, discover new ideas and then try painfully to write it all eloquently. (Hopefully all you readers out there can understand me.) Then I try to get it all down before I lose it all. It's fun but I find myself racing against this clock that is always ticking, forcing me to hurry. Maybe that is why it has been a struggle. But I'm going to put all those distractions away and write anyway.
I hope that you will be there to share this labor of love.
Blessings,
Melodie

Just A Simple Reminder

As I was looking at my blog, I struggled as I considered my blogging options. I must admit, when I see that I haven't written in days, the weight of writer's guilt overwhelms me. I want to do better, but with my schedule and my daily tasks, I am amazed that I remember to take a shower. There are so many things that are in my spirit that I want to share. I can't write them all TODAY, but I recognize the fact that I should write something.

As I struggled, the Holy Spirit sent me a writer's prompt. It was just a simple reminder. It happened so quickly as I was looking over the blog. I glanced at the faith quotes located on the top left of the page. I placed these quotes there to remind us all of the importance of faith. (You can't walk in "Big Shoes" without faith.) With so many famous people having spoken about faith, surely we can gain something that will empower us in our daily walk.

Well today was my day. I love how the Holy Spirit knows just what you need and when you need it. I looked over and there was the quote for Saint Augustine that stated:

Faith is to believe what you do not see;

The REWARD of this faith is to see what you believe.

I'm a minister and I have preached and taught about faith many times over. And yes, I know that this quote from Saint Augustine is just a old ("new") twist on Hebrews 11:1. But isn't it wonderful to know that God sees when you are going through and He sends you a quote from a man who has been dead for over 1700 years to remind you of HIS faithfulness.

I don't know about you but recently I felt as if I was up against a wall. With my mother's recent's diagnosis and upcoming surgery, my physical weariness from doctor's visit's and consultations, the pressures of homelife, church and community, the yo-yo effect of the economy, concerns for friend's prayer requests and my role of caretaker of two wonderful senior citizens, plus this innate desire to write a book and no time to write it, well faith seem to be the furthest thing I can focus on today.

Isn't that like many of you? We tend to focus on what's wrong instead of the "absolute possibility" that God is going to show up. We strategically place God in the "Maybe He will help today" column and instead worry about our cares and frustrations. I know God sometimes looks down during those times and says, "Beloved, where is your faith?" Let's be honest, sometimes it is so hard. It is hard to trust God when it seems like you are alone in this life and nothing is working out. There have been times (especialy when I faced the fact that I had to deal with cancer again and it has only been 20 months since Britt's death) that I wanted to run and get under my heavy blanket and stay there until everything is over.

But let me say this to all of you. God wants us to be adult about the situation. (Don't you hate that?) He wants us to be a faith filled people even when it is hard. He wants us to believe what we don't see. That my sisters and brothers require a mind-set change. We must change the way we look at things. We must change the way we analyze things and yes, we must change the way we react to things. Still the bottom of line is, will we believe that God can get us out of our present dilemma when it looks like He's NOT going to do it today? Can we still be faith filled people? Can we remain is a calm state although that check didn't come today or we didn't get the job?

Can we believe it although we can't see it?

I want to answer for you and say yes! Just believe and before you know it, you will get the reward. Maybe not today. Maybe not at the exact moment you feel like you need it most. But God always shows up when it seems like ALL the chips are down and there is no where to turn. God manifests His grace that empowers us to abound in ALL things... and "all" means ALL.

Believing even when we can't see is hard. Trusting God, when it seems like there is no way out is HARD. Trusting God, when you want to hide is HARD. Trusting God when it seems like those closest to you are the farthest away is HARD.

Hebrews 11:1a says it like this, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for...

What are you hoping for today? A miracle? A mortgage payment? A rekindled love that been gone for awhile? Maybe it a financial breakthrough or a college tuition payment. The requests are endless but the reward of believing what you don't see now will be the manifestation of seeing what you have believed.

Just let that simmer in your spirit. I wanted to share this simple reminder. Remember there is nothing too hard for God.

Now, can you believe that?

Blessings,

Melodie

Oh That He Would Hide Me

Waiting in the patient's waiting room, I had a case of deja vu. While my mom tried to digest 1000cc of contrast which was faintly disguised as Crystal Light Lemonade, I listened to the sounds around me. As I sat there, I heard a small child in distress, crying hysterically and I just sat there and my eyes burned with tears. I wanted to run and comfort this child who I did not know. This child, was probably afraid, because x-ray rooms can be dark and scary. Yet, I was remembering my own fears as I has waited with Britt years ago. But I wasn't here with her. I was here with my Mom, trying to be a comfort, a place of safety.

But while we waited, I was remembering being in another small room at Duke University Hospital and listening to all the tired sick children cry as they waited for a CT scan. The flashbacks came and danced before my mind and I longed to look across the room and see Britt waiting for her turn. Instead, I remembered where I was and why I was here. I remembered my mother and her cancerous polyp and I thought about the possible results.

Oh that He would hide me in the secret place...

In the 21 months since she has been gone, I've journeyed to new places in faith so the remembering doesn't keep my stomach in knots anymore. Now I worry about Mom losing her balance; Mom being taken care of by tired hospital staff and fretting about Mom being able to withstand the rigors of possible treatment.

Oh that He would hide me in the secret place...

But as I sat there, I simply exhaled and I smile at my Mom. We engage in casual conversation and I want her to know that she is safe. Still she wants to make sure that I am warm and okay. She is always the Mom. But as I confront my own discomfort and the place where I find myself, I simply remember I've done this before. God was with me then and God is with me now. I thought to myself as she glanced at an old National Geographic magazine, when we leave this place, we are going to take the long way home so she can enjoy the trees, the birds and all the different people she sees on the street.

The technician came to get her and off the two of them went. I prayed as they left the room. I sat and read the latest book that I had in my purse. I looked at her contrast and cup and noticed that she had drunk it all. Not a whimper, nor a complaint. She always just did what she had to do. I buried myself in the book and I looked up and there was my Mom and the nice CT technician. She's all through, he said as he brought her walker in front of me. "She's finished?", I asked in astonishment. Well, she wasn't back there 15 minutes. When Britt had a CT she was back there for 45 minutes to an hour sometimes two. I gathered her things, we journeyed to the front of the hospital and I got her in the car.

What this a good thing or a bad thing? But instead of fretting about it, I decided to pray. We journeyed home and Mom and I talked about the change of the season and the beautiful color of the fall leaves. She loves that kind of thing. She talked about trees that I had never heard of and the onset of the fall season. (I tell you, the woman should have been a botanist.) That conversation carried us all the way home where Mom got settled in her routine and I talked to my husband. This time I didn't call my cousin in NY. I decided to wait until we heard something.

Although I walked this walk before, I was going to trust God to bring Mommy out. No matter how many times I reflected on Britt's journey with cancer, I also knew that Mom was not Britt. Britt was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic cancer at the age of twelve. Mom had a cancerous polyp and she was 86 years old. Not the same scenario.

While we waited on the results in the days that followed, I began to pray for Mom's health more and more. Thanking God for his hedge of protection around her, I rested and worked on church work. God is so faithful and as I allowed him to hide me, I could wait in peace. In the secret place, God will hide me from the fear, the anxiety and the pain of waiting, knowing that no matter what the technician saw on the scan God would be with my Mom all the way. I'm learning to trust Him more and more even when I don't know how things are going to end up.

Oh that He would hide me in the secret place...

As I walk this uncertain journey, let me admonish you to trust Him even when you don't know how things are going to end up. Exhale and let the pressure escape and learn to rest in Him. He is the only person that can solve your issue and concern. Learn to turn things over to Him and just go along for the ride. But while you are riding along with the cares of this world, don't forget to look out the window and enjoy the scenery. Take on the beauty of God and all that He has created and rest in that. God will allow you to enjoy some things even when you are on one of your harrowing journeys. So hide in His creation and His love for you. Hide in the fact that He is there with you.

It doesn't get any better than that.

Blessings,

Melodie